Thursday, July 11, 2013

YF and G Syndrome on the Increase in Jamaica

While sitting in my sister’s living room watching the Television, a friend of my sisters came by to visit. She seemed somewhat upset and the reason why, was made clear very early in the conversation as she declared … “The worst thing I have ever done, was to move back to Jamaica with my husband, if I knew it was going to end up like this, I would have stayed the hell in Canada!”.

I sat their thinking, OK this must be either Crime or Bureaucracy, two of the main reasons why Returning Residence regret packing up their Milo boxes and move back to Jamaica. But I was wrong, there is a third reason why a mature woman would regret moving back to Jamaica. It seemed this very lovely lady became a Jamaican statistics, like most women her age.

She was traded in for a newer younger model as it did not take long for her Husband to be re-infected with the deadly YF and G virus which is a mutated strain of the Zombie Virus. In Jamaica this virus is spreading like wildfire since it has been airborne for some time and people who are infected by it, suffer from the dreaded YF and G Syndrome. The infected people mostly Jamaican males suffers from a Zombie like symptoms with a uncontrollable hunger and desire for Young, Fresh and Green Girls affectionately known as Mateys. There is no known cure for the deadly Young, Fresh and Green Syndrome.Women are also known to be infected by this deadly virus, their symptoms are also Zombie like but with an uncontrollable hunger and desire for men with money and power regardless of the relationship status or age of these men, it is every girl for herself.

“Every day I love her just a little bit more little bit more, little bit more every day I love her just a little bit more and she loves me the same... Cause she's Young, Fresh and Green and I like how she round at the seam”…. BARRINGTON LEVY - SHE'S MINE LYRICS

There is a surplus of single older mature woman in Jamaica, most of whom are mothers wondering the landscape like Zombies. Jamaica also have a lot of older men with younger woman attached to them, some as young as their daughters and represents their fourth or fifth Trade in/Upgrade from the women dealership we call High schools and colleges. If I have 10 male friends 9.5 of them have already traded in their old wife or girlfriend for a younger newer model at least once already and if I have 10 female friends 7.5 of them have been replaced by newer models while the .5 represents those that are in transition and denial mode, still fighting desperately to hang on.

5 Types of Matey!

A friend once said that living overseas enforces relationships and strengthen the bonds as a survival mechanism in cold, dark foreign countries are stronger. In Jamaica the Cultural Paradigm seems to be different because most people are always in a state of Perpetual Significant Other Transition and men are dealing with the stress of maintaining two or more “Mateys” (The juggling factor) on the side.

The Jamaican male is more inclined to join in with this cultural narrative not only to keep pace with friends and family but because they cannot resist the lure of a fine well structured YF and G. This coupled with the fact that some “Mateys” do not want to remain “Mateys” for long and are pushing for the transition to take place sooner, rather than later. I have even seen “Mateys” who displaced the previous wife, girlfriend or Matey, cry, scream as they complained that she is now being displaced by a new YF and G Matey, which puts a new twist on the saying “tief from tief God Laugh…” and in the middle of all this the Jamaican man skips merrily along, basking in all the attention.

 The act of replacing one's wife or girlfriend with a newer model YF and G girl is not limited to one section of society, it is not limited to class or colour, education or Political and financial status, it is a cultural thing, that knows no bounds. Stories of old girlfriends and wives being pushed to the curb for the latest models are the talk of the town as the new girl slips into the position with relative ease.

Married women in Jamaica are always on Ultra-High Matey Alert, DEFCON-1, Matey Threat Level -Damn Severe, Matey Attack Imminent, as they keep one eye on the house, one eye on hubby and another third eye on any Young, Fresh and Green female, walking by or driving pass the house. A person I worked with said he is forced to take his car to the car wash after every meet up with Matey because Matey would like nothing more than to inform the wife that she exist. What she does is leave things in his car, from finger nail to underwear, sometimes 3 or 4 items placed all over the car, like a Easter egg hunt. It got so bad he was forced to cut her loose.

Matey vs. Wifey

The Art of Juggling and Taming the Doseki man

Juggling multiple women is not for the faint of heart, especially Juggling the ever suspicious Jamaican woman. So if you cannot deal with stress then I suggest you not even try to play this game. Most of my friends are expert Jugglers. Sometimes I would listen to my friends and look at the woman wondering, what the hell is she thinking, have she not sight the rake yet, how can she not see, surly she cannot be that stupid. One of my friends had four girlfriends that he considered as wife material as oppose to the others girls in his life as he proclaimed he loved them all equally. I remember going on one of is Valentine’s Day run. Well I did not have a choice as he begged me to come for “backative’ and an excuse not to be forced to stay. In the trunk of his car was 4 bunch of long stem roses and as we approached each of the girls house he would stop the car several roads away, remove a bunch, write up the card and put it on back seat of the car. I asked would it not be easier to write all the cards and put all the roses in back seat of the car to begin with and he said “Yu mad!!!!, stop gwan like yu no know how running’s go… suppose me pick up the wrong bunch and give her or she come over to the car?”…. Oh I see…. So sorry Master Sensei.

He had a Valentine’s Day story he told all of them, that it is a family tradition on every Valentine’s Day that he spend that day with his dear mother. So three of them would get this story and one special one would get the story that she was so special, he had to cancel spending it with his Dear Mother, so he could spend it with her as a sign of extreme love and devotion …. "Oh.. how sweet". You should see the puppy dog look of love on her face and I was cracking the frack up... For Christmas he had more days to play with so he could fit each of them in over the entire holiday. The problem I had with my friend’s relationships was that I was the person who they came crying to when things got bad, they look to me to give them incite as to why things did not work out.

One day he came over my house grasping at a cigarette feeling down, out and depress, crying how one of his ladies break up with him. So I said, but boss, why are you upset since you still have 3 more but he declared he loved them all dearly and it hurts to lose one, I immediately turned my attention back to the TV, turned it up and continued to watch the nightly news while refusing his constant request for me to call her and plead his case because I was sick and tired of lying my ass off for another one of his ridiculous relationships. I think deep down all my friend’s girlfriends and wives know exactly the type of person they are with. They must, they cannot be that fecking stupid but I think that is what attracts them in the first place, the competition between women and the desire to tame the wild bronco.

If I ever tell you the story about time he was forced to let one of his side girl out of his second floor bedroom window, buck naked using a bed sheet to help her make her getaway, because wifey 1 of 4 was in the house and making her way upstairs. Then he called me in the dead of night for me to pick up this poor naked girl from the bushes and remind me that I must remember to bring some of my sisters cloths because she was buck naked and he did not have time to throw her cloths out the window, you would not believe it but I will save that for another time.

The Art Juggling multiple women is not for the weak of heart and act of trying to tame the Doseki man is also not for the weak heart.

Back to the Topic at hand
I have heard many stories of wives being displaced by YF and G Household Helpers who became new mistress of the house they use to work in. Which is why in Jamaica wives are very selective about who they hire as helpers. They must think long and hard about who they are willing to leave at home with their man, especially if that helper is lived in, so old women with no teeth are very high on the check list of good qualities for employment, all to save the man from himself.

Off course this did not go well for the adolescent male in the family, who I am sorry to say relies on a steady stream of YF and G Household Helpers to ease them into manhood but not necessarily maturity. Yes it was no secret when I was growing up, our decision making process with regards to whose house we were going to hang out after school was also based on the hotness factor and accessibility of our friends Household Helper and yes the content and accessibility of their refrigerator also plays a big part and by the time I left high school, three boys I know had babies with their household helper.

Roll Model to Jamaican men.
A friend of mine declared to me that a certain Member of Parliament who recently got married was an absolute inspiration to Jamaican men everywhere. I said how so? He said… “Well he grew his own YF and G wife, brought her into the house when she was 15, buy her school books, uniform, educate and feed her then married to her when she came of age. This way you no longer have to go searching for a match but grow it instead. Like a suit, it cut to fit, plus it is much easier to bend a tree when it is young”…. Oh I see…. The Yard logic never fails to amaze and cracks me the frack up every time and disgust me at other times.

Trying to Get Answers
One day, long, long ago I was trapped in the house with my sisters and their loud gossiping female friends. Normally I try very hard to avoid them being the only boy and younger brother but on this day, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up, so I was trapped like a rat in a cage and they like nothing more than to embarrass the little brother. I was trying very hard not get noticed, blending into the background and walking softly. At one point the conversation of sex came up as one woman declared that she was very particular about what she does in the bedroom with hubby, limiting her activities to a more Conservative Performance….(aka nuh man nah kin her out was her words)

Jah know star, I tried very hard to wish myself invisible, deaf and blind or to teleport myself to another dimension but it was not to be as I wondered why they could not wait a few more minutes until I leave, before embarking on this topic. I know they were not afraid to try and drag me into their ridiculous conversations. At which point another one of my sister’s loud friend piped in… “Yu stay deh, yu betta learn fi swing from the chandeliers because dem young gal out a road A… acrobatic!”… Oh dear lord, if there is a God… save me now…Please, is all I could think of.

The situation got even worst after my friend came to pick me up and he decided to join the conversation as the women bounced various concepts and ideas off him, trying to get a man’s point of view about relationship, marriage and “YF and G” Matey. My friends love nothing more than to sit and chat to my sisters and their friends, they see them as source of constant entertainment. I see them as a source of constant embarrassment.

The Question and Answer Session, trying to understand the Jamaican Man:
  • Question: Why unoo man so terrible and treat woman so bad
  • Answer: A no terrible we terrible baby, a love we love di whole a unoo, if woman just accept the fact that man have multiple woman then we all could live happy, a selfish unuu selfish…
  • Question: What if women have multiple men?
  • Answer: Not a rass, woman fi only have one man...
  • Question: But how come man always go after young girls and not woman their own age, mature woman
  • Answer: Older woman come with too many baggages, by the time we get them is all 10 man left dem and gone and a woman after 10 man is not nice to be around, she already pissed off, vex, miserable and crass and most man just want a simple life. Who want to deal with all that Almshouse?
  • Accusations: You man will come up with any excuse fi run after the flighty tail, dry foot young gal dem.. 
  • Response: you cannot carry past relationship into new relationship that is why man stay clear…
  • Question: But look how “whats-her-name”, look after this man and pickney dem and him just jump up and leave her
  • Answer: me hear different
  • Question: weh you hear
  • Answer: Nothing neva did a gwan in a di bedroom, she dry up and a tek him fi eediot
  • Question: So a dat why him leave her but look how him look to… belly big so
  • Answer: How yu mean, yu can deh wid man a nah let off nothing and road full a young gal ready fi drop whine…

By this time the look on the women faces says, “let’s just kill these two fecking man to make an example out of them rass”.  The debate broke down into heated shouting argument with even the helper listening to the conversation unleashed her 2 cents.
  • “Go weh !! a handle onuu caan handle big woman, mek unoo run to the little picky head gal pickney dem, who caan even whine!…
I looked at my friend who was dying of laughter since he successfully stirred up this hen house and said let’s go because I have no idea why you got into this debate with them knowing exactly what would happen… we made a hasty retread as my friend shout back to the already angry, irate pack of women:
  • “The whole a unuu betta go home go cook unuu man dinner before him leave unuu and find young gal fi feed him”…. shouted my friend to my sister and her friends
This was a parting shot that resulted in an advancing army of angry pissed off women ready to finish us where we stand… so we made haste into the car, almost in a state of hysterics.
  • Response: And a hope dem poison the whole a unoo baxside shouted one of the agry women!!!!!
I turned to my friend… boss! When you go home, a me a fi live with them yu nuh, so stop rile dem up.

I would like to thank Rodney Williams on Facebook for this one, I stole it from him.
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED!

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
However, there is a difference:
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,

Matey is Mainstream
The hallmark in Jamaica is for Matey/older man pair bonding, he pays rent, light bill, water rate, phone credit and hairdresser for the privilege of shagging and profiling with a Young, tight fleshed, firm bosoms, Fresh and Green woman and if he is lucky, at some point she may get pregnant for him thus giving him the feeling that he is still virile in that department or in some cases if he is unlucky which means he may have to push up the transition time table.

Mateys are also not afraid to write Dear Pastor in the Star newspaper, asking for his fatherly advice on how to best solidify the bonding and displace the wife. They feel no way about writing to a reputed man of God, a Christian for his advice on their commandment breaking adulterous quandary. Which just shows how mainstream Mateyism is in Jamaica, some even proclaimed that they are good Christian girls who attend church regularly and a lot of the men they are complaining about are also “good” Christian men in the church or the pastor of the church.

Dear Pastor,
I am having a problem and I need your advice on what to do. I met this man late last year and we became friends, then we started hanging out and fell in love. What we feel for each other is genuine. My problem is he is married, and yes, I knew this before we got involved. He is having problems at home which I cannot talk about. We spend a lot of time together when he gets the chance, but I need more from him. When he visits me and then has to leave, it hurts..... 

Read More : Dear Pastor from the Star telling this woman " You are a very boldfaced girl"....

Walk like a champion
Talk like a champion
What a piece of body gal
Tell me where you get it from

The Matey Legislation Act
It would not surprise me if the Jamaican Politicians creates and push through the Matey Legislation Act to further solidify the Mateys unique position within the Jamaican society. Several of our well known male politicians are known to have a couple “YF and G” Matey on the side and a lot of wives are willing to look the other way so long as they can maintain the lifestyles they are now accustom to. It was reported that several FINSAC (Financial Sectory Adjustment Company) investigation into financial irregularities by companies turned up loads of Matey Expenditures on the company's books, in the form of expensive uptown townhouses, SUV’s and daily Matey living expenses being paid for by Companies experiencing financial difficulties.

I remember the then Prime Minister of Jamaica PJ Patterson speech at a PNP Political Party Rally as he declared that “more man have car, cell phone and gal than ever before" during his administration.

As a result Peter “The Great” Espeut wrote in his article published in the Gleaner...

More gal have man published: Wednesday | October 1, 2003 Peter Espeut

“The basis for the statement that "more man have gal than ever before", the Prime Minister reasoned, is that "more man have car" and "more man have land" and "more man have cellular phone"; and therefore "more man have gal" because that is what women want: men with land and car and cellular phones. And so more "man" should have respect for him.

The character of the "gal" painted here is the gold-digger, the "vampire", the "bloodsucker", not motivated by love or a caring relationship, but by what she can get - material things. She is looking for a "boops", not an intimate, tender, love relationship. And so more gal should have respect for him too because they are getting what they want.

I honestly do not think the Prime Minister was overtly seeking to disrespect Jamaican women (or men) by his remarks; after all he wants their respect; but he tapped in to the lack of respect for one another which, unfortunately, characterises much of Jamaican society, rather than seeking to uplift gender relations, and this was disappointing. Genuine respect is not earned in this way.”

As with many other things in Jamaica nowadays, relationships are broken and have surface value only. Marriages only last as long as it takes the wedding pictures and write up featured in “All Woman” or “Flair” to be published. Conflict resolution is a part of marriage and if Jamaicans fail at this in everyday lives and circumstances, so too do they fail at it in marriage, no one sorts anything out, if things get tough, find a new Matey, nice and spicy. All Matey wants is a good time and little money and to profile. If she's lucky, she catches a man a yard or a big fish and she is made, Big House, a new Audi x5 or Range Rover Evoque, Trips to Miami and a couple Page 2 Observer shots to show her friends. .

One cannot talk about this syndrome without talking about the DISMAL hopes of good women in the over 33 year old category that are looking for husbands or a good man. Especially those at the left end of the spectrum who are still in their child bearing years and want a proper family including HUSBAND and not just baby, fe a baby fada and on the other end of the spectrum are those who are put out to pasture early and still want a second chance at marital happiness. Unable to satisfy that aspect of their lives they then turn their attention to other aspects such as education and business. Many of these women have returned to school for their degrees some earning their second and third degrees and a lot have re-entered the working world becoming movers and shakers of society but those are the ones that can, many cannot and live at the mercy of the baby fada.

We cannot force people to have relationships if they do not want to have one, it is not the responsibility of Jamaican men to make sure Jamaican women of a certain age is married and with a child, that is not what I am saying, however what we have a system of dishonesty, entrapment, secret and lies which is not sustainable and results in a dysfunctional culture of cheating, mateyism and fatherless children.

Mateyism is Not New:
This goes back to the beginning of time, in my lifetime I have seen various incarnation of this syndrome and there are many words use to describe the same act or the process of “Concubating”.....Concubinage..
  • The Boops – Refers to a person who allows themselves to be used willingly or unwillingly in the extracting/exchanging of money and other favors for attention/affection sexual or otherwise. 
  • The Boopsy - Refers to a person who willingly use another person with the sole aim of extracting/exchanging of money and other favors for attention/affection sexual or otherwise   
Other terms commonly used are:
  • Giving or Getting Bun – A man or a woman in an established relationship while having a secret relationship on the side that is mostly public knowledge except the person they are having the established relationship with and if they are completely able to hide any indication of this secret relationship from the person, that is the person skips happily along as if the world is perfect then we say … It is not just Bun him a get but Cheese also.
  • Jacket – A woman who is able to have a baby by another man while convincing the person she is in an Establish Relationship with that the baby is actually his. It gets even funnier when this is mostly public knowledge and the true identity of the child’s father is known to all except the poor soul and the baby looks nothing like him and exactly like the real father. However sometimes she lucks out and get a baby where no one can tell who the father is just looking at the child… then we say it was a Jacket-Cut-To-Fit. 

Si boops deh Supercat

My Walk of Shame
I remember this one event when I was in third form, I was at a girls school, annual sports day and I saw this girl I liked so after working up the courage and with encouragement from my so called friends to go over and talk to her. I took the plunge and did just that, only to be told she does not talk to or want little school boys, we were the same age. I was told that her man drove “this and that” and own “this and that”, however she left out the part that he was a married with kids. My so called friends laughed me to shame as I was kicked to the curb. Later that afternoon the big man-a-yard came by the school to pick her up in his fancy sports car. He was a graying, big beer belly of a man, in pointed toe shoes and you should see the look on her face like “Please Puss” as she sat in the front seat being driven out of the school yard.

However a decade later, I was driving on Washington Boulevard and stopped at the street light only to look to the side of the road and there she was waiting to cross to the other side. She had two kids with her hanging off her dress and one on the way. She looked horrible, like she could do with a good wash and a proper meal and as they say in Jamaica the two a wi eye mek one (she looked and me and I looked at her) as the realization and recognition sets in, her eyes widen. I looked smiled and slowly looked away and drove off, laughing my head off as I go. Life is One Big Road with Lots of Signs!

After that I investigated the story on her from some mutual friends, it seemed after getting pregnant by the graying big beer belly married man. She went to his house demanding that she is given her rightful place in society, to tell his current wife that she was the new woman in town however his wife was not having any of it and beat her senseless. They told me it was common thing for his wife to beat off the invading hordes (or whores) and stake her claim as queen of his Kingdom. She moved from one married man to the next picking up a meal here and there. Couple more beatings from various wives and girlfriends but was never given the life she wanted. After failing to muscle her way uptown she was left broke with several kids (4 in all) and regulated to a life of poverty no longer qualified to be in the Matey category. As for the man he threw out the wife, moved in a redass (light skinned woman) from country and then got arrested for drugs in Florida doing time, last I heard.

Wignall’s War
 In the year 2000 Mark Wignall Columnist, wrote an Article entitled "In praise of younger women" which became the talk of the town, enraged many and intensified the war not only between men and women but between older and younger women. The backlash was immediate and lasted for many months and I am sure poor Mark was forced to keep a low profile for all those months.

Diana McCaulay, writer and environmentalist responded… “Yet if nothing else, Mr. Wignall's column had the ring of truth. I want to say he wrote from his heart, but he's clearly a man without a heart, so he must have written with the help of a different organ, one not generally associated with a pen and that a female friend said to her that … Nothing more than young cho-cho mad him”. She then stated that Wignall reminded her of a fiftyish, fat, balding, slovenly man. Read Here: The frailties of all flesh

Desmond Henry in his column said Mark Wignall’s Column was “in poor taste”, he further went on to state, “A young, nubile and beautiful woman is always going to be more attractive than the older woman who has aged, has children and struggles with fat, all of which are natural. But so too will a young, virile and handsome man be more attractive than an older man with a 'beer belly' and bald head. Of what use is it to a reader for a columnist to be advocating that it's okay for a man to leave the older woman for a younger woman, merely because she is more attractive?” Read Here: That was in poor taste, Mark Wignall!

It is amazing that I could find every other column by Mark Wignall but not that one particular column and here I was thinking that it was not possible to remove an item from the Internet.

To all dem man dem would cheat 'pon dem woman...
some time a man fi get kuff, fi get kuff, fi get kuff

This brings me to the Concept of Relationships:
In my view, everybody needs to settle down and start acting like adults, everybody needs to define their own concept of what type of relationship they want and they need a commonsense approach when defining this concept, using less emotions and more logic. Further in order to define this unique relationship concept a person must first understand them-self, who I am, what am I about, what do I want out of life and what will make me happy which must be rooted in reality not fantasy.

A relationship requirement list is not a strict list because every relationship is open to a little give and take and compromise as it cannot be all about you or all about him or her, some give and take must come into play and then there are the big H’s, Honesty and Happiness. Anybody who walks into a relationship with a big long list of demands that is not subjected to debate or change is an idiot and is quickly dismissed by me, I live by my rules, I am willing to bend some, give up some but no way in hell I am going to live totally according to anybody else’s rules, unless you are mother, father and I am a minor. .

Relationships can come in different size, shape and configuration so long as all parties agree in all honesty to the size, shape and configuration of their relationship. Everything in life needs rules to enforce a structure and everyone must buy into the rules. The big question that needs to be answered is what will make you happy and content in a relationship and how do I find someone who want what I want, there is way too much shacking up out of desperation going on. I am not telling people what their relationship should be or how it should be configured, what I am saying is make sure you are happy with whatever structure you agree to and only true Honesty can allow one to fully understand all the parameters and make the right decisions. Let’s saying you want a relationship where you are allowed to sleep with other people , now this is a legitimate demand, you are free to make it, however most people will not accept that and you will have to continue your search until you find a person who agrees and is happy with that or drop that demand.

I use to work with this person who was married and at the time the parameters and structure of his relationship was well defined. He was happy, wife was happy, until his wife found God. Now he is forced to live a life that he did not agree to. Yes some may say, it is noble of her to find God but one must understand that this was not something that defined their relationship or something their relationship was constructed around. So what is this poor man to do with a bible thumping wife who no longer enjoy the things she use to enjoy, in and outside of the bedroom. If he converted to Christianity, it would not be for the right reasons, it would only be to please her and maintain his marriage and he does not want to be a Christian that much he made clear, religion is not for everyone. Under such situation divorce is the only option and the correct option because this represents a breakdown of the relationship and a complete modification of the relationship structure that was agreed upon. One minute you swinging off the chandeliers with your special someone and the next it is missionary style, once a month and not on Sundays because it is the lords day, this is a complete life change and a shock to any man’s system.

He was not happy and she was not happy and what is the point of life if you are not happy. Your first responsibility is to yourself, to make sure you are happy and if you are not then you are wasting your limited existence. I once said to a girlfriend of mine if ever you wake up and find yourself miserable with me, find out that you are not happy and even after attempts at modifying the relationship you are still not happy, it did not work then it is your responsibility to leave and you would be doing me a favour not to mention you would be stupid not to. Yes it might hurt but I am not selfish, I do not want to keep anyone regardless of the cost. I understand that you are unhappy and I understand that I cannot make you happy so the quicker you make that decision the better it will be for both of us. And I assured her that if I was ever in that position then I would do the same, relationships are nice but it is not the beginning and end of life and not worth being continuously unhappy over.

A married girl friend of mine, GY who is in her early 40’s once declared that she no longer like or want to have sex and can really do without it, especially since the development of so many advance toys on the market and that after a long hard day in the office, it is the last thing she wanted to do. So I asked her what about her husband… she said she would give in now and then but only so that he would leave her alone.

A big debate followed with me outlining the error of her ways but she refused to budge, her world was not being rocked anymore by it, she preferred self-gratification, she was tired and as such wanted none of it. I said would it then be OK for her husband to find it elsewhere and she said… Maybe, so long and she does not find out however she knows he is not that type of a person, so she can get away with withholding without worrying. I was beginning to believe that in a sick twisted way she was enjoying withholding as a form of S&M punishment. To see how much she could aggravate this poor man, she controlled the Glory and she wanted to see how long and hard she could make him squirm before giving him a small quick sample of the glamity. I sat there trying to figure out why would this man stay in this relationship and suffer like that because it really made no sense to me and the solution for both of them was simple.

This is the reason a lot of yardman come home from work, grab a bite to eat and the next thing the wife hears is the giggle of the car keys as he make his way back out to “Meet up with the boys”…  One person I know of use to declare that he is going on a fishing trip sometimes for the entire weekend but never came home with any fish or with a fish that look like he bought it at the supermarket. One night I was out with friends and there he was in a dark corner of the pub with a very Young, very fine, Fresh and Green Matey.

I have met so many people who are married and unhappy or even married and unhappy to the point of hating each other but because of various reasons they stay together, with one or both of them living a life of bitter misery and I wonder …. Why? I was told by one that as Catholics he did not believe in divorce, however his daily complains about his marriage was way too much for all to take so we told him, to shut up and stop complaining. That frankly we were tired of hearing it because now he is using his marriage as a penance to his God and that is why there is a confession booth. A person I know left her husband, he cried and cried, begged and pleaded, finally she could not take it anymore and went back to him, then complain everyday how she is waking up every morning beside this man she wants nothing to do with, hey but he is happy, so to hell with her. This is why over emotional people lock their significant others in basements or unable to handle the hurt they turn violent. If I cannot have you no one else will… idiots the lot. .

You will notice I did not even define relationship as something between one man and one woman or even state gender, which to me is not relevant and does not factor into happiness and mutual acceptance nor do I care if relationship involves marriages or not. I do not care about the actual configuration of your relationship. Be it Mormon with multiple wives or a one man, one woman Christian like relationship, regardless of how many people make up your relationship, their gender or sexual habits whether polyamory , swingers or wife swappers or gang bangers the fact is every aspect of human interaction requires mutually agreed upon, open and honest rules that all the stakeholder need to buy into and if the agreed upon rules change or deviate from the norm then a new agreed upon rules must be made or that is the end of the relationship, misery is not a factor, life is too short for that.

dear wifeys and maties of the world. Sawt out unnu self and stop gwaan like eediat! "The Concubinage" 

I was in an online debate regarding a news story where the wife slept with Joe the bartender and the husband was happy with it and one woman proclaimed that if she slept with Joe the bartender her husband would bust a cap in Joe the Bartender’s ass. This is what I never understand with people in a relationship, especially married people. Joe the bartender was never a part of their marriage, the only two people involved in that relationship is the two people who made the vows or promise to each other, it is those two people who should keep their Willy in their pants or their legs close to other people outside of the relationship.

That marriage/relationship is the responsibility of the both person A and person B whose names are on the certificate as they look into each other’s eyes and made that promise to each other and as such Joe the bartender or anyone else is not responsible for keeping their relationship intact, so why shoot Joe the bartender? If the wife take a vow, looked in the man's eyes and promised then broke those vows to sleep with poor Joe then her husband, if he really need to bust a cap, should bust it in her ass not Joe’s. Frankly I would just walk away and furthermore it is within Joe's rights to sleep with the wife as it is the Mateys right to sleep with your husband however the reverse is not true. People need to start taking personal responsibility for their own actions especially in relation to their contracted relationships.

no disrespec to di man dem but joe grine and matie a two diffrant kinda sittn 

Fact, no one gives a rat ass about your marriage and why should they? It is none of their business, so next time, choose wisely and another thing your biblical rules means nothing to a person who does not share your religious beliefs, how dare you impose your belief system on others, who gave you that right?

At the end of the day, it is very clear that we do have an issue in Jamaica, regarding people who go into relationships and carry on the relationships based on a lie.
  • We do have a problem where by older men have been bribing younger women for decades creating this climate of Mateyism.
  • We do have a problem where a lot of young girls are using Sex and the lure of the Glamity as a means to a financial end, which in most cases is short term and once they get older, when the looks are gone and the weight is on and body parts that use to stand up nice, firm and tight are now big and saggy they find themselves, poor, with kids, bitter and alone. Some have mastered the fine heart of holding the Glamity for ransom. 
  • We do have a problem where by older women are too easily put out to pasture as a result of this Mateyism culture, often times leaving them to be both father and mother to the kids and it gets even worst when these poor kids are being used as human shield and weapons in the war between the sexes.
In other countries a man would have to think long and hard about his actions before making a move because in those cultures there is often a price to pay when one turn ones back on one’s family. In these countries the family court system is very swift and makes sure people are accountable for their actions but this is not so in Jamaica where it is way, way too easy.

The debate on this topic has been amazing, not surprising man and woman have different views base on past experiences….

What some people are trying to do is to get the rest of society to do what they are unable to do, which is to protect their own relationship… I am getting the impression that people who enter into a union do not trust the people they are in a union with and once they walk out the door they worry that they will be tempted into someone else’s bed as they are not enough to maintain the bonds between them. So we invented the concept that others should Respect the Sanctity of Marriage because we need societies help to isolate our significant others from temptation and from themselves.

As far as I am concern a strong relationship should not be totally based on isolation from temptation but on how well a person handles temptation. If you are in a loving relationship and believe that your words are your bond and you love and respect the person you are with then temptation means absolutely nothing to you … since the Batfink Effect will step in.. “My Wings Are Like A Shield Of Steel!”…

I see the concept of Respecting the Sanctity of Marriage no different than the invention of the chastity belt, a human invention design to protect against human weakness… If you are consumed with the idea that some fine young thing will tempt your man or woman away from you then the problem is certainly not the fine young thing but your significant other who is the only guilty party... Not because a person come on to you, mean you are supposed to jump into them or have them jump into you... Have some self-control and take some personality responsibility for your actions…!!!!

 Lady Saw - I've Got Your Man

I stole another woman's husband - WHILE many Jamaicans were going through hell on the eve of the Tivoli incursion on May 23, 2010, Monica found herself experiencing heaven in the arms of her married boyfriend as they spent that day consummating their one-month relationship. 

Captain Barkey-Bun Fi Bun

Dennis Brown - If This World Were Mine


  1. I think it's insecurity. Men who do not have money or come from a poor life tend to use women and the amount they can have falling all over them as currency, as their sign of status and power... that breeds this insecurity and need to prove "man a MAN" with all this...and, bad examples from their fathers. An ex's father loved his son so much you could feel it and nearly cut it with a knife, and he idolized his father...his father is exactly like him, hardworking, ambitious, loving...and whoring....and naturally appealing to females of every age range within 100 feet of him (literally, the only thing a little girl or big woman love like the father is the son, don't know if their genes give off pheromones or what but it was amazing to watch them not say a word and draw attention)... Everything else about them, is everything you could want, aside from not being rich, but at least stable.

  2. However, just like I do believe there are worse things that can happen to you in life than being cheated on so flinging him out is not always the right answer, especially if you have child(ren)...I also believe just as you said too many of us sit down and chain ourselves to nothing relationships out of desperation...I had one downtown friend in Ja who is never without a woman even though he sometimes doesn't even know how it went from sex to being in a relationship, admit that he is afraid of being alone. People need to like themselves more so they can give the man woman ting a break in between relationships, have their head and heart (and private parts) clear, and learn to want more out of life for themselves and their mates. Jamaican men to me typically put a lot of thought into future children but not half that thought into how they plan to treat their wife and what type of woman really suits THEM as a wife (the typical ones generally force their wife expectations into this mold of God-fanatic, chef, prim and proper everywhere and he'll just get the crazy stuff he wants from, you guessed it, the matey)...resulting in men who are often great fathers and providers but bad husbands where respecting vows to a wife and yes, communicating as adults and resolving problems are concerned. Communication skills with women as equal partners not sexual conquests or powerless breeders sucks, and it is the lack of respect and communication on the men's parts and the selfish delusions and ignoring of all the structural problems long as the shallow surface looks of having a man/husband and material things are intact that is mashing up what could be much more powerful relationships because when Jamaican men love they do love HARD, and a woman connect with their heart and get inside their head she can have ANYthing, he will DO anything, in his power, but the lack of communication skills is what will make some of the in love ones lose and it and murder the girl if a mistake happen that threaten his core as a man...the women need to understand the insecurities that are part of the effects of the history especially with black men from poor backgrounds and be more able to help him reason out his feelings and what he really wants or really is frustrated about, since we are usually the talkers. We do lose our ability to be sweethearts and get rough around the edges when we've been emotionally battered and bruised, and used, one too many times...but women have the power to say no to having a boyfriend and keep him as a friend. And i think women ignore the power in being that one woman they want's and DON'T get. Let him step up if he wants you so bad...sometimes a man meets the right girl while he is stuck in a desperation settle thing with the wrong one...even if you realize how great you are for each other, let him respect that fact enough to face his fear and step away from the idiot girl that not working out, be a properly SINGLE man, and THEN come check you.

    And the young school girls would not be so impressed by the material things if their own parents were providing it. If she grew up feeling well comfortable and well cared for and exposed to a well-rounded set of experiences, her mind would not be grasping for any little sign of attention and comfort.

  3. I think an underlying point us older women are missing is...focus less on tracking him every minute of the day and in the 21st century stop this colonial mentality of you have ARRIVED and all need to advance YOUR life is complete once you get husband...the problem with these women is the wife title has become the last interesting thing they accomplished, they have no life going on for themselves so this man is the full time job even if they work. Obviously the one thing a young woman has is an in shape body, and if keeping this man's attention sexually or just having options in general if he steps out of line matters (so you don't have to be desperate to hold on to that one)...spend way less money on hair and nails and more on a good gym near the house or near work... I would never say disregard what is of interest to men if it's a man you are trying to attract, but whatever keeps you in a good mood BEFORE you had a man, get back into that...if you know you had kids and out of shape, work hard on getting back into it...or learn to age gracefully and leave immature trash in the past where it belongs, if you bring a man's children into this world and had more important things to do like raise them well instead of focus on getting a perfect body again, and he cheats with something that has the nice trim body...that's a fault of his, because if he valued a body that much he should never have impregnated yours or gotten with you knowing how yours looked. BUT I am not speaking for women who have no real pressing concerns, especially the housewife types, and just siddung a yaad an let themselves GO from sheer laziness thinking the fact they have him trapped with kids or have ring on the ring finger is going to stop him from seeking whatever is missing at home. The women need to sometimes forget men for a minute and focus on being a better looking, more INTERESTING person. Honestly some men overlook a little weight gain when the woman has a lot else she is bringing to the table. Women who have added nothing to a man's life but children are going to be disappointed when that is not enough. Multiple degrees and nothing else going on but work is one dimensional. Becoming big and swarthy due to laziness and letting your whole life dead-end because you now have a man is a HORRIBLE example to set for the next generation of girls and boys...any woman with children should strive to be the woman she wants her daughter to become and her son to bring home as his future wife... maybe all the weight won't come off, but just seeing you in a certain habit and lifestyle will be enough to get that thought and habit growing in your child.

    Why not travel?

    Why not focus on building wealth? The main theme with wives who put up with disrespectful foolishness and mateys who allow themselves to be used as such is they don't have their own money for the things they need much less want, so they are at the mercy of the man who can provide both needs and wants. For one a woman need to be willing to work on achieving her independence...for two a woman need to learn to suffer a little bit ALONE and mek her nose bleed likkle fi get good! ...we don't sell ourselves into slavery to whites, we sell ourselves into slavery to men in general...and we need to stop.


  4. But what do these women want out of life aside from man and house? Do they have any curiosity about the world, do they want to leave any mark on it other than to show off to immediate friends on their "catch" of a man and finally being married?

    The younger girls go out, dress up, embrace being feminine and fun. Older women (who are either not making enough money or just really feel like resting on laurels with no further ambitions) seem to think at some point in time you should just dry up, drop off the scene, and be okay with being just so and so's that's boring, have a life, stay in shape, so if or when a man f. up he can be easily replaced...or make enough money and have enough friends of both genders that even having a replacement won't matter. Some need to think of how much they can do for themselves without a man if they advance in life without having children...because children are often what sends women right back into a nothing relationship with some man who will provide food clothes shelter...and now school fees...and a NASTY side effect of that is the mothers often mortgage out that young girl's private parts for the future (or horrifyingly, right then and there, any age) to the man who paying the school fees. So she'll finish basic education but the mind emotions and worth to decent men will be destroyed, because unlike Indians who plan their child's future mate from young, it's not an arranged MARRIAGE with proper checks made into the man and his family and intentions, it's just selling her off to the highest bidder. The biggest thing keeping humanity in poverty around the world if you ask me is women having children for the wrong man. Or hanging on to the kids when the man actually in a better position to take them.

    I would definitely tell my daughter that while there are certain things that SHOULD be what draws people to you,whether for a job, promotion, or relationship...reality is this world we live in here in the west is very about first impressions and freedom is not free, but worth fighting be fiercely dedicated to maintaining your intelligence, independence, networks, and FITNESS (physical, mental, financial and spiritual)...without developing an attitude or lording it over people, just live it.

  5. Eloquence, Inc., I had way more fun reading your responses than writing this... wonderful, thank you...

  6. Just getting back to this, thank you, our minds were born twins and separated at birth, I swear... lols. :)

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